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A recent news item revealed that mums looking to go back to work have been told to leave out maternity leave from their CVs to give them a better chance of getting a job. Continue reading “Would you pretend to be childless for a job?”
Originally written for CareforKids.com.au: http://www.careforkids.com.au/newsletter/2015/february/11/perspective.html
According to a recently publicised survey in the UK, a fifth of working parents are considering reducing their hours or giving up their job altogether because of child care costs. This is just as pertinent to Australians as it is to UK parents, as child care costs reach unachievable levels on both sides of the world and parents are being forced to make difficult decisions.
The UK survey of 1,000 parents of children aged up to 16 also found that many were planning to cut back on essentials this year, because of the financial strain of child care. And one in five said they are thinking about reducing their working hours or quitting their job.
In our own survey last year, we revealed that of the mums who had not returned to work, a fifth said this was because it simply wasn’t financially viable to do so.
Removing parents’ choice as to whether or not they continue to work after having children is not the answer for families or for the economy.
This lack of choice is due to the following key factors:
both parents so that they may share the child care load.
Parents of the youngest children are most under pressure and find it almost impossible to keep up with their current work conditions and pay levels vs. child care costs.
This leads to the inescapable question for many parents: is their job worth the cost of child care? Usually this still falls on the working mum’s door, as it’s still more likely that the father has the better paid job and better career prospects. So women are still having to make the choice between career and children. This will inevitably have a trickle down effect to the Australian birth rate, because couples simply won’t be able to afford to have children.
Published for CareforKids.com.au on 11.2.15 – http://www.careforkids.com.au/newsletter/2015/february/11/perspective.html
Parents are increasingly coming under fire for parenting styles.
Hands up who sometimes feels they’re not quite up to the mark on the parenting front? Hands up who has actually been told that by a family member, colleague, friend or even by someone at the school gate who is essentially a total stranger?
It would be interesting to be able to see how many of you haven’t put up your hands. I imagine it’s very few. Much like the public view that every pregnant woman’s bump is open to touching and stroking by total strangers, there seems to be a growing trend that allows people to think they can criticise parents on the job they’re doing, no matter whether they know them or not.
I have indeed in the past been told, even by my own dear father, after a few wines at Sunday lunch, that I’m doing “a crap job” at bringing up my daughter. This was sparked by her unwillingness to eat her peas and my unwillingness to make her. Personally I prefer to save my energy and pick my battles. But what gives my Dad the right to think he can say that? Presumably his own parenting perfection…ahem.
Parents these days are constantly being picked up on aspects of parenting, and it’s not just by their parents either. It’s apparently by anyone and everyone. Even the talented, beautiful Australian actress and mum, Cate Blanchett, who by the way doesn’t employ a nanny or cook apparently, says she feels criticised for her parenting by other mums! This is not isolated. Our 2014 Annual Childcare and Workforce Participation Survey revealed that 57 per cent of mums had felt stigmatised as a bad parent (for either working or staying at home) by other mums. So what happened to the sisterhood?
Whether it’s for their children’s eating habits, gaming, noisiness, dress sense, vocabulary, table manners, bedtime, supermarket etiquette, attitude, it’s all fodder for other people’s comments. And however you parent, it’s never right or good enough for some people.
Personally I like to hide behind the thought that these dissenters are generally bored, unhappy, unfulfilled or just generally not very nice.
A recent article by Queensland University’s John Pickering, a self-confessed non-parent, highlighted the “growing and seemingly widespread view that parents these days aren’t doing a good job – that in fact they’re doing a “crap” job”. So it’s not just me, then!
He goes on to say that parents are being told they “are out of touch and too soft. They give in to their kids too easily. They’re over-involved helicopter parents, or under-involved don’t care parents. Or they could be bulldozer or lawn-mower parents (the ones who smooth the way for their child’s transition through life and make life difficult for everyone else in the process).”
As Pickering points out, this criticism is simply the “kids these days rhetoric, but applied to parents”. And of course the world is very different to how it was “in their day”. Particularly when it comes to working families.
When I grew up, working mums were in the minority. I can barely recall any of my friend’s mums working full time. Nowadays it’s almost the reverse. It’s not just due to a need or desire to be career woman either; it’s also a matter of economics.
In our parents’ day, you could very easily afford to buy your own house and pay a mortgage on one average salary. Today that is almost impossible. And this surely has to affect our way of parenting. We’ve had to adapt. But more to the point, what are we consciously doing that’s different out of choice as opposed to necessity?
Pickering’s article gives an overview of a 2012 study surveyed thousands of English adolescents in 1986 and again in 2006 to determine the extent that parent-child relationships had changed over 20 years:
The study showed that parental monitoring of youth behaviour and parent-child quality time increased from 1986 to 2006. Parents in 2006 also expected more from their children than they did in 1986, including the expectation of being polite.
The authors concluded that their study failed to provide any evidence that the quality of parent-child relationships had declined over time, and that there is little evidence of any decline in parenting across the target population.
This finding corroborates earlier studies, which analysed parenting patterns across generations and found that both mothers and fathers tended to spend greater amounts of time in child care-related activities in the 1990s than they did in the 1960s.
The major trend, says Pickering, is the appetite for evidence that informs decisions about parenting. Parents want evidence that what they are doing is effective.
“They invest time to research whether vaccines work; to find evidence that “breast is best”; evidence that car seat A is superior to car seat B; evidence that certain toys are developmentally appropriate; evidence that the discipline strategies they use are effective.”
Pickering believes that the physical, emotional, financial and intellectual resources that parents are now investing in raising their kids have never been greater.
We don’t get everything right. And none of us is perfect.
Regardless of what we’re doing differently, the vast majority of parents are simply doing the best they can in the only way they know, and we should stop criticising and start to be more supportive.
After all, two of the key things a parent can teach their child are compassion, and self-control.
To view James Pickering’s article in full, click here.
Originally published on Feb 18 2015 for CareforKids.com.au: http://www.careforkids.com.au/newsletter/2015/february/18/parenting.html
If you’re really struggling to find a permanent babysitter or nanny, but have around US$1900, then Japanese mobile phone company, SoftBank, could have the answer. The company will start selling its multi-tasking Robot helper and friend, Pepper, in February 2015. So get saving! Continue reading “Pepper the robot babysitter”
The latest labour force statistics from the Australian Bureau of Statistics form the last census say that in June 2012, there were 641 thousand one parent families with dependants, and most (84%) were single mother families.
In half (50%) of one-parent families with dependents, the age of the youngest child was between 0 and 9 years old. Managing home and work life with young children is physically, emotionally and financially hard enough hard enough if you’re in a relationship with a supportive partner. Imagine what it’s like on a daily basis when you’re completely on your own.
So it’s not surprising that many single mums are teaming up with likeminded single parents to share the load of household bills, chores and child care.
If you Google “single parent required for house share” you get a whole raft of Gumtree ads; house share sites; mums forums; single parent forums and general accommodation sites, all with the same thread: Single parents (mainly, but not exclusively mums) looking for similar lone parents to share the burden of household duties, bills and rent.
The cost of living is increasing, everywhere. Australia has a particularly high cost of living and both sales and rental prices for property are sky high. For many dual income families, the cost of property is almost impossible, so it’s even more untenable when you’re suddenly having to cover it all yourself and not between you and a partner.
The fact is that you can get a much nicer place if you double your budget and buddy up with someone else, but it’s not that easy when you’re a single parent with one or more small children in tow.
Many women have friends they can do this with, but if you’re new to a city or area and don’t have any friends in a similar situation to you, then you have to put yourself out there.
Not all mums have support, financially or otherwise, from their former partner, or from their family. They need help paying the bills; they’d like a bit of friendship, support and company for both themselves and their child. There are some dads, but generally speaking they only have their kids at the weekends but are happy to muck in at other times.
Sydney based Sophie Andrews suddenly found herself and her two-year-old daughter in an accommodation dilemma when she split from her partner.
A close friend had also separated from her partner at the same time and the two friends found themselves living in rental properties that neither could afford.
The only alternative either of us could afford individually was a tiny 2-bedroom apartment. So they joined forces and were able to rent a huge 4-bedroom house with a lovely garden. The rent split between them was $100 a week less than if they had each moved into that tiny flat separately!
“By pooling our resources, we could not only afford to live in a house that was way beyond our means individually, but there were other benefits which contributed hugely to improving those first couple of years of separation”, Says Andrews.
Sophie recognised that having a friend in a similar situation was very lucky, but that most women were not in such a fortunate position. She founded SPACE4.com.au, a website dedicated to providing single parents with alternative living arrangements and childcare assistance at what is usually a very lonely and financially difficult time.
SPACE4 has been running for seven years and is Australia’s leading single parent site for house share, friendship, holiday share & childcare exchange. It offers an online database of single parents, looking to either share a house with another single parent, or to contact other one-parent families in their area with a view to sharing childcare and babysitting duties.
Members simply go through potential member matches by searching the profiles and contacting any prospective parents by email. It’s a great way to look in a secure environment where everyone is looking for the same thing.
Regardless of circumstances, it’s good to know you’re not alone. There are thousands of other single parents out there in the same position as you.
For more information on your child care options and benefits available to single parents, click here to see our article, and for information on single parent accommodation and lots of other issues, go to:
UK:
http://www.movethat.co.uk/London/Forum/Single_Parents/
Written and published for CareforKids.com.au http://www.careforkids.com.au/newsletter/2014/october/8/share.html
Mental Health Week is a national event, which runs from Oct 5 to 12 and coincides with World Mental Health Day (10 October). The aim is to promote awareness about mental health and wellbeing, and equip people with the right information.
As part of Mental Health Week we have chosen to highlight the issue of Baby Blues and Postnatal Depression. Do you know the difference between Baby Blues and Postnatal Depression? Could you spot depression in yourself, a friend or partner? And if you did, would you know what to do about it?
Being pregnant and giving birth and all that it entails is a hugely emotional and life-changing experience. Hormones are raging, our body is changing and we experience sleeplessness, anxiety, acute tiredness, tearfulness and many other symptoms, which are all perfectly normal with everything that’s going on.
For one to two weeks after giving birth, many women also experience a short period of mood swings, tearfulness, anxiety and difficulty in sleeping. This can affect up to 80% of new mums and is known as the baby blues and is thought to be linked with the stresses associated with late pregnancy, labour and delivery, along with the rapid hormonal changes that accompany the birth.
Symptoms generally settle during the first week after birth, but for some women these symptoms can carry on for much longer and may be the much more serious condition of postnatal depression. It can also affect partners of new mums as well.
Postnatal or Perinatal Anxiety and Depression (PND) is thought to affect approximately 20 per cent of women who give birth in Australia – around 50,000 women each year, and 10 per cent of their partners.
Postnatal depression can affect women in different ways, but the main symptoms of postnatal depression are:
Other symptoms can include:
Left untreated, the impact on the mother, her child and other family members can be profound. Perinatal Anxiety and Depression is a recognised medical condition, the result of biological, psychological and social factors.
With celebrities such as Jessica Rowe, Gwyneth Paltrow, Courtney Cox, Brooke Shields, Elle Macpherson, Britney Spears and Marie Osmond bringing the tragic illness into the public arena on a worldwide scale, the Gidget Foundation is one of the key non-government funded organisations that work tirelessly in Australia to raise awareness of and funding for research and treatment for PND.
Postnatal depression often goes unnoticed and many women are unaware they have it, even though they don’t feel quite right, because the symptoms of are wide-ranging.
Mood changes, irritability and episodes of tearfulness are common after giving birth. These symptoms are often known as the “baby blues” and they usually clear up within a few weeks. However, if symptoms are more persistent, it could be postnatal depression.
Women who continue to feel “low” after a couple of weeks after giving birth, should go to see their GP to talk through how they’re feeling. The GP will ask the following two questions if they suspect postnatal depression:
If the answer is yes to either question, then postnatal depression is possible. If the answer is yes to both questions, it’s very likely and the GP may ask one further question: “Is this something you feel you need or want help with?” and there is absolutely no shame in saying Yes.
Some women don’t recognise they have postnatal depression, or they choose to ignore their symptoms, because they’re afraid of being seen as a bad mother.
Of course their friends and family are always supportive and would always want to help, but many women with postnatal depression feel they can’t ask for help. It becomes a very secret illness, not unlike a chronic eating disorder. And it can build up very quickly to dangerous levels, which can sadly sometimes lead to tragic consequences if left undiagnosed and untreated.
So it’s hugely important that friends and family also know the danger signs and can act if required.
If someone you care about starts to show these signs try to get help for them through your local health professional. Danger signs to look out for include:
Postnatal depression can be lonely, distressing and frightening, but there are many treatments available. As long as it’s recognised and treated, postnatal depression is a temporary condition you can recover from.
It’s very important to seek treatment if you think you or your partner has postnatal depression. The condition is unlikely to get better by itself quickly and it could impact on the care of the baby.
Treatment for postnatal depression includes:
Read more about treating postnatal depression.
The cause of postnatal depression isn’t clear, but it’s thought to be the result of several things rather than a single cause. These may include:
The following will put you at greater risk of developing postnatal depression:
Read more about the causes of postnatal depression.
You should tell your GP if you’ve had postnatal depression in the past and you’re pregnant, or if you’re considering having another baby. A previous history of postnatal depression increases your risk of developing it again.
If you keep your GP informed, they’ll be aware that postnatal depression could develop after your baby is born. This will prevent a delay in diagnosis and treatment can begin earlier. In the early stages, postnatal depression can be easy to miss.
The following self-help measures can also be useful in helping to prevent postnatal depression:
Read more about preventing postnatal depression and the self-help measures you can take. But the most important thing is to seek help. Talk to a partner, friend, family member or professional.
Click here for an amazing video on Dealing with Post Natal Depression from PANDA: “Behind the Mask: The Hidden Struggle of Parenthood”
Source:
The Gidget Foundation raises funds and awareness for perinatal. Founded by the friends and family of vivacious Sydney woman, “Gidget”, following her suicide as a result of “post natal depression”, the Gidget Foundation exists to promote awareness of Perinatal Anxiety and Depression (PND) amongst women and their families, their health providers and the wider community to ensure that women in need can receive timely, appropriate and supportive care. They have a dedicated outpatient clinic – Gidget House – in Sydney.
PANDA (Post and Antenatal Depression Association)
Written and published for CareforKids.com.au http://www.careforkids.com.au/newsletter/2014/october/8/pnd.html
But What is Best for Working Parents?
The Productivity Commission’s draft report published in July looked at the issues facing many parents whose lives and working hours don’t conform to standard child care hours or “approved” child care services. It also discussed how to address the chronic shortfall of child care places in many areas and how to improve women’s workforce participation.
Two of the recommendations made were that overseas Au Pairs should be allowed to stay with one family for the full 12 month working holiday visa (opposed to the current six month maximum period with any one family) and that there should be an extension of child-based government assistance to enable greater access to home-based care services. This is in order to improve accessibility for the growing number of families with parents who work irregular or non-standard hours.
The report also argued that the government should allow approved nannies to become an eligible service, for which families can receive assistance, conditional on those nannies meeting the same National Quality Standards, care ratios and qualifications that currently apply to family day care services.
The above recommendations have been put forward to help address the huge unmet demand for child care in Australia, particularly for the under twos, together with the needs for those families with more than one pre-school aged child, and those with special circumstances, who are working shifts or unsociable hours or who have children with special needs.
In Australia, there are around 3.8 million children under 13 years old, living in over 2 million families. Around half of these children use some form of non-parental care in either the formal or informal sectors or both. And demand is growing as the population and workforce increases.
The Productivity Commission estimates that over 100,000 additional full-time places will be needed by 2026. And increasing long day care places and assistance for Family Day Care Services will still not meet these numbers or the needs of all parents.
Industry bodies and child care businesses of course all have their own opinions to the plausibility, viability or suitability of these recommendations and there will inevitably be some debate over the correct division of child care funding.
The Productivity Commission is suggesting that the various child care benefits, rebates and special assistance be streamlined into one means tested subsidy to make it fair and easy to navigate for parents.
Au Pairs can be a great option for families, particularly if parents buddy up and share an au pair. Only one of you needs to have the extra bedroom, but all can chip in for the cost of bed, board and pocket money. They can bring a different cultural experience for children and often a new language to learn.
And don’t be fooled into thinking that Au Pairs are inexperienced or unqualified. Many women across the world have been au pairs for years. They often have child care qualifications in their own countries and are likely to be more experienced in child care than many child care workers in formal day care centres! The only downside is that they can only stay for up to a year.
Nannies have been around for just as long, if not longer, than day care centres and child-minders. They are often seen as elitist, but the fact is that if you have more than one pre-school child they are far more viable, for average income families, not just high income earners. They often become a very valued member of the family and a good nanny is worth his or her weight in gold.
Vice-president of the Australian Nannies Association (ANA), Annemarie Sansom said that families employing a professional nanny should receive subsidies equivalent to those applied to other forms of childcare.
“When families have two or three children in childcare, the cost is comparable to that of employing a nanny. What makes employing a nanny more expensive at the moment is the lack of any subsidy,” she said.
In-home care is essentially a part time or full time nanny service, but one that is approved and subsidised by the Federal Government, due to special circumstances. It enables families with unusual work, location or care requirements to access approved child care in their own home, and is currently only available to those families that are unable to access standard child care services and/or families in unusual circumstances.
In-Home Care is particularly appropriate for families where parents work night shifts or unsociable hours, as well as those who are in remote locations and don’t have access to child care centres etc.
Recent Government initiatives and Productivity Commission recommendations have included the expansion of access and eligibility to in-home care and funding has been increased to enable more families to access the service.
To see how in-home care varies from the other forms of child care currently available to parents have a look at our child care comparison table.
There is no wrong or right form of child care. No one-size-fits-all. All families and their needs are different.
Written by Sophie Cross for CareforKids.com.au: http://www.careforkids.com.au/newsletter/2014/september/17/pc.html
My daughter has always been a great one for delay tactics. For everything. Her favourite and most used word is actually, “wait”! It really is. She uses it as a general punctuation now without even thinking.
Children learn the art of delaying very early on; around about the same time they learn to play their parents off one another and get their certificate in advanced negotiation skills.
They do it before they can even talk. And as they get older, their excuses and reasons for one more minute get more and more creative. These are some of my current favourites:
By Sophie Cross for CareforKids.com.au. Posted: http://www.careforkids.com.au/newsletter/2013/june/26/delay.html
It’s back to school time, which means it’s NIT SEASON!
Are you itching already?! No? Well, read on.
Head lice, commonly known as “nits” or “cooties” if you’re in the USA are the most incredibly frustrating and annoying little insects, that will, at some point, be the bane of every mother’s life.
The head louse is a tiny greyish-brown insect, about 2.5mm long. These little critters cling onto hair and are usually found in the scalp. They live on the blood of their generous host – your child! The female lays eggs that are attached to hair, close to the scalp and can be very difficult to remove. The baby louse hatches after about a week and leaves a little white eggshell on the hair, which is called a “nit”.
No matter how clean your child’s hair, he or she will not escape lice. In fact the greasier and dirtier a child’s hair, the more likely they are to avoid lice, because the female lice find it hard to grip to the hair to lay eggs. Some schools and child care often advise not washing your child’s hair for the first week of school to minimise risk. I’m not really sure if this works, but of course most small children love the excuse to remain dirty!!!
So how are they transferred? Well by any close contact. Cuddling, huddling, reading close to each other, whispering etc etc. That louse will not miss an opportunity. Lice are flightless and can only jump a short way, but when your children are always in close contact, it’s not very hard to make that leap!
You won’t necessarily know straight away. Bites from head lice can cause intense itching and irritation on the scalp, but these symptoms may not appear until at least two months after the lice first arrive. Are you itching now?!
The only truly effective way to find lice is to use a nit-comb. You can get these from any pharmacy. The best thing is to wash your child’s hair and then put in conditioner. Don’t rinse. Comb through with a normal comb to get out the tangles and then start with the nit comb in small sections of the hair. Comb right from the very base at the scalp to the ends. Lice will be on the scalp, so make sure you get as near to it as possible to pick them up.
It can take a while, but it’s not nearly as awful as people make out. Do this in the bathroom with a full basin of water. After every run through with the comb, tap the comb into the water.
If there are lice, you’ll soon see them. They can be quite tiny, but if you train your eye you’ll spot tiny little brown/grey and almost transparent critters in the water. Of course you can’t see the eggs like this, but if there are lice, there will be eggs.
There is no miracle cure and they are hardy little buggers that will resist as long as possible! You can buy chemical and natural Lice shampoos and prevention sprays in pharmacies, but every doctor will tell you that no matter what you put on the hair to kill the lice, by far the most important part of de-lousing is an extremely thorough comb-through. Really you can just use conditioner and a comb without any lotions and potions.
One good natural killer is tea tree oil or eucalyptus oil. Just buy a bottle from the supermarket or health food store.
This treatment works pretty well. Your child will smell a bit like a cold remedy for a few days after treatment, but the lice will stay well away!!!
Amended from original article posted http://www.careforkids.com.au/newsletter/2013/september/25/nits.html
Help is at hand for IT Un-Savvy Parents!
It’s definitely a 21st century problem: Our kids know way more about technology than we do, and it’s time we did something about it. So says Yvette Adams, mum of two and author of new guide, “No Kidding: Why Our Kids Know More About Technology Than Us and What We Can Do About It?”
According to Adams, today’s kids are intuitively able to figure out every device, app, game and social network that comes their way. Just hand a tablet or a smartphone to a toddler, and watch what happens. They instantly, intuitively know what to do with it.
Children under two can already master laptops, smart phones and tablets with ease. My nine-year-old daughter said the other day: “It’s really funny watching old people try to use things like iPads.” And by old I hope she means anyone over 70, but suspect it’s more like anyone over 40.
Often technology is seen in a negative light. With cross parents getting exasperated over overuse of their gadgets, losing their phones to their 2 year olds and dishing out screen bans.
READ MORE HERE Written by Sophie Cross for http://www.careforkids.com.au
The Word Bird 